CHAPTER THE FIFTEENTH. Joel found; in which we find joel at a secluded artists colony.

[after weeks of uneventful traversing and searching, the fellowship comes across a high wall and a large, heavy door. They stop for a while to admire it, and are indecisive as of what to do]

MORPHEUS. Well, it’s a wall. And a door.
SENIOR FRANKLIN. That it is.
SMALL CHILD. Bow.
JOVIAL BOB. Well lets not just stand here, fellowship! Either move on, or knock! Maybe they know where Joel is.
MORPHEUS. Fine, lets knock.

[the fellowship watches with trepidation as morpheus takes hold of the large iron knocker and, well, knocks. It echoes throughout the forest, yet no one answers. Just as the fellowship is ready to move on, the door swings open]

HORTENSIA. [gasps]
MORPHEUS. [kneels] dainga!
JOVIAL BOB. Can it truly be?
SMALL CHILD. Darn.
PAT. What, what is it?
SENIOR FRANKLIN. Joel!

[sure enough, joel stands at the entrance, cloaked in a flowing white tunic, a halo of light surrounding him. He smiles and beckons them in with an wave of his retractable claws]

JOEL. Welcome, weary travelers. I see the fellowship has finally succeeded in finding me! Come inside, let me show you around!
DAVY. This is so cool!
PAT. Wait a minute! [holds out his cloven hoof to stop morpheus and jovial bob] this whole time we’ve been looking for a cat? And you guys gave ME such a hard time for being a sheep!
JOVIAL BOB. This is different. Trust me. [brushes pat aside and enters the gates]
ELFY. [to hortensia] are you alright, darling?
HORTENSIA. [blowing her nose into a tissue] yes, yes, it’s just a very emotional time for me right now!
DAVY. [also blowing his nose] you’re telling me!

[the fellowship follows joel throughout the grounds, taking in the beauty around them and appreciating the expert landscaping]

JOEL. [as he points out different parts of the grounds] …it’s an artists colony. You’ll see over there Herb and Teri working on a landscape of the east gardens – they’re really quite lovely in the spring. José does all the gardening – well, him and all his “mejican workers.” We pay them in tacos. [waves to fellow artist, also cloaked in a white tunic] what’s up, Sam! [to fellowship] I would introduce you to him, but he’s, well, shall we say “socially akward.”
MORPHEUS. Joel, this is all very nice, but we need you to return to bottom earth with us. There is a shadow falling over the land!
JOEL. It’s just a big cloud.
MORPHEUS. Really?
JOEL. Yeah. Don’t you watch the weather channel? Thunderstorms are blowing in from middle earth. It’s going to be a great rainy season, up to seventeen inches. Believe you me, with last year’s drought we could certainly use it!
JOVIAL BOB. So you’re not coming back with us?
JOEL. Let me think. Uhh…….no.
SMALL CHILD. But who will rule bottom earth??
JOEL. He can. [points to jovial bob]
SMALL CHILD. [falling to his knees] Noooooo!
SENIOR FRANKLIN. Shh. Have a juice box.

[later that day, hortensia and joel are walking together through the gardens., catching up on old times]

HORTENSIA. Father, I’ve missed you so!
JOEL. Well, you knew where I was, why didn’t you visit?
HORTENSIA. I was pretty busy. Being beautiful and desired is hard work!
JOEL. That’s my girl!
HORTENSIA. Are you sure you won’t return with us, father?
JOEL. Horty, my place is here, with the artists. And yours is in the tall tower of the palace, where you can brush your hair all day long and be beautiful.
HORTENSIA. But father, I don’t want to sit around all day! I want adventure!
JOEL. Well, you had it, didn’t you?
HORTENSIA. I suppose. But I think I may apply for a new job. The whole “beautiful and desired” gig wasn’t really for me. I’m looking into a tour guide position at the state park, or maybe a job at the Australia zoo.
JOEL. Good for you, honey. Now give your old dad a hug and show me those claws!
HORTENSIA. [laughing merrily] oh, father! [springs out retractables] hissssssssssssssssssssssss!!